Breastfeeding: why does it feel like a test you’re set up to fail?

It is expected that the moments after a child's birth are filled with joy, but for many new mothers, breastfeeding and the baby's weight gain can shatter that enchantment and feel like an endless test with confusing and contradictory rules. While healthcare professionals often aim to help, they sometimes unintentionally add pressure by providing inconsistent advice or relying on outdated guidelines. Let’s explore why this happens, why it feels so overwhelming, and how new mothers can be better supported.

Challenges in breastfeeding support

Throughout my career, I’ve had the honor of supporting countless new mothers through the transformative journey of motherhood. From my days as a nurse in Brazil to my current role as a doula, the challenges and joys I've witnessed have been remarkably consistent.

Hosting mother meetups and working with postpartum clients has only deepened my understanding. The recurring themes and stories I've heard have shaped my approach to providing empathetic and effective support to mothers everywhere.

Unfortunately, I frequently hear stories that underscore a troubling reality: while there is immense pressure on mothers to breastfeed, the support they receive is often insufficient and inconsistent. The early postpartum period is a whirlwind of emotions and adjustments, and for many new moms, anxiety around their baby’s weight and feeding is exacerbated by mixed advice and a lack of proper support from healthcare professionals.

One of the biggest frustrations for new moms is hearing different advice from every healthcare professional they meet. Each shift at the hospital can bring a new set of "rules" for breastfeeding, baby weight gain, and feeding frequency. This inconsistency leaves moms questioning their instincts and doubting whether they’re doing the right thing.

Why does this happen?

• Healthcare professionals often lack consistent, up-to-date training in breastfeeding support.

• Guidelines vary across institutions, leading to mixed messages about feeding techniques and growth expectations.

• Many professionals prioritize weight as the primary measure of health, overlooking other key indicators like alertness, diaper output, and overall development.

This patchwork of advice creates confusion, leaving moms feeling like they’re failing even when they’re doing just fine.

The growth chart problem: Are they really for your baby?

Growth charts are widely used to track a baby’s development, but they’re not always helpful— especially for breastfeeding moms. Many growth charts were originally designed based on formula-fed babies, whose growth patterns differ from breastfed infants.

Here’s what’s often overlooked:

• Breastfed babies tend to gain weight more slowly after the first few months, yet this is a perfectly normal and healthy pattern.

• Using the CDC charts for breastfed infants might lead to misinterpretation of their growth, potentially causing unnecessary worry or inappropriate interventions. The WHO growth charts, based on data from healthy, breastfed infants, are recommended for more accurate assessments.

• Healthcare professionals sometimes use growth charts without considering a baby’s full context, such as parental height, weight, and cultural background. Without this context, professionals may rely too heavily on generalized growth charts, leading to unnecessary interventions or pressure to supplement with formula.

  
  

Instead of empowering parents, the misuse of growth charts can create unnecessary worry, making moms feel like they’re not meeting an arbitrary standard.

Pressure without support

Breastfeeding is a skill that both moms and babies learn together, but societal pressure makes it seem like you need to "get it right" immediately. Add to that the physical and emotional recovery after birth, and the experience can become overwhelming.

What moms often face:

• Being told to breastfeed exclusively without receiving practical support to do so.

• Judgment for supplementing with formula or choosing to stop breastfeeding altogether.

• Mixed messages about feeding schedules, latch techniques, and baby weight.

  
  

What moms need is:

• Practical support, such as hands-on help with latch and positioning.

• Emotional reassurance, reminding them that every breastfeeding journey is unique.

• Nonjudgmental care, no matter their feeding choices or circumstances.

When this support is missing, it’s no wonder so many moms feel like they’re being set up to fail.

What needs to change?

To truly support moms and their babies, the way we approach breastfeeding and baby weight must evolve.

• Consistent and evidence-based guidance: Healthcare professionals need standardized, up-to-date training to ensure moms receive accurate and cohesive advice.

• A holistic view of baby’s health: Growth charts should be interpreted in the context of a baby’s overall health and family background, not treated as a rigid pass/fail standard.

• Empathy over pressure: New moms need to feel supported and understood, not judged or overwhelmed.

By shifting the focus from rigid metrics to individualized care, we can empower moms to make the best decisions for their families.

What you can do if you’re feeling pressured

As a new mom, the journey can be challenging, but there are ways to navigate the pressure and find your confidence:

• Trust your instincts. You know your baby better than anyone. Trust that your bond and your intuition matter.

• Track health holistically. Look beyond the scale—monitor diaper output, alertness, and developmental milestones.

• Seek evidence-based support. Reach out to lactation consultants or trusted professionals with up-to-date knowledge.

• Advocate for context. If growth charts or advice feel off, share your family’s background and ask for a broader perspective.

• Join a community. Connecting with other parents who’ve been through similar experiences can provide reassurance and practical tips.

Final Thoughts

Breastfeeding is not a test, and baby weight is not the only measure of health. Every baby and every family is unique. By advocating for better support and fostering a judgment-free environment, we can help moms navigate this journey with confidence, compassion, and joy.

If this resonates with you, let’s continue the conversation.

Share your experiences and ideas. Your voice matters!